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Home-ed Fun Stuff and Giggles

(Please note that we will acknowledge the source where available, however in most cases these were taken from forwarded e-mails and no original source is available. Should you know who we can acknowledge, please let us know).

On the lighter side

In Association with Amazon.co.uk

He's not dead;
he's electroencephalographically challenged.

 

 

Back up my hard drive?

 How do I put it in reverse?

 

 

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.

The things kids say ...

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary School, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old.

Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoelace?"

author unknown~

(thanks to Angela J.)

TAMMY (4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked: "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

JACK (3) was watching his mom breast feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (5) asked her gran how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Said Melanie, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six"

STEVEN (3) hugged and kissed his mom goodnight. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (4) had earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know its me?"

SUSAN (4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "it makes my teeth cough."

DANI (4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

ANDREA (4) was singing and humming, filled with the joy of life. Full of smiles, she turned to her dad and said: "I'm so happy I could vomit."

MARC (4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

Author unknown.

thanks to Joy Burger

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Did you ever ask yourself?

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light" ?
12. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
14. Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?                                                                              

 author unknown

thanks to Joy Burger

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

A day without sunshine is like -- well, night.
(
Ugh! Had too many of those lately - Summer where are you?)

Send us your little gems for
inclusion in this page!!

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
HOME EDUCATORS AND LIGHT BULBS .........

How many home educators does it take to change a light bulb?

- Only one, but you must make sure you mark it down to physics (electricity and light), technology, PE (climbing ladder), logical reasoning and social skills (well we can't see each other in the dark, can we?)

- How many curriculum-based home schoolers...?

None. Home electrics isn't something that should be studied until at least 10th grade, so they'll have to call in the electrician at the weekend.

- How many LEA inspectors...? 

This complex job should really only be undertaken by qualified electricians, but the law does acknowledge the right of ordinary people to take responsibility for their own electricity, so long as they know what they're doing. First they need to read the guidelines for acceptable amounts of light in a room. Then if they're sure they can manage this, they'll need to take a course in electronics and register as a home electrician, giving date of birth, qualifications, and any details of previous problems with wiring.

- How many autonomous educators...? 

As many as want to, whenever they feel like it. But they'll probably need a whole box of light bulbs, because they'll want to experiment to find out how to make them break.

- How many TCS educators? 

The trouble is, the old light bulb doesn't want to be removed. Difficult to find a win-win situation here, but after some brainstorming, the solution is to buy an entire new light fitting and re-wire the room, while leaving the old light bulb where it was.

How many bullies does it take to change a light bulb? 

Four. Do you have a problem with that?

 How many yuppy home educators?-

Two - one to call the electrician, and one to pour the sherry.

 How many feminist home educators?

One. And it's NOT FUNNY!

 How many UK home educating families...?

Estimates vary, but nobody really knows.

Thanks to Sue Fairhead


Have a look at this!!!



English is tough stuff!

Who says English is an easy language?
  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10. I did not object to the object.
  11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13. They were too close to the door to close it.
  14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

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